Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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