Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize