road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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