the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
