This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
