When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
