i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
