Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
