I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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