Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
