Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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