Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize