oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
