When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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