Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
