Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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