my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
