wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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