dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
