I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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