Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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