I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
