He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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