as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
