so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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