If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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