she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize