I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
