I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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