What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize