Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And then my night got REAL pukey
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
