im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
