i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize