Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
