Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
