So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
