Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
