Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
