you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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