I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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