i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
