Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
