you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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