What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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