dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
