We named our party play list daddy issues
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
