If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
