Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
