I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
