Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Drunk is a universal language darling
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
