dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
