this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
