Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
