I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
