How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
