That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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