ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
