She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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