i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
