This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
