Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
