i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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