She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
