He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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