i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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