Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
