I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
